Mama Bear

I haven't had one of these in a while. My 'mama bear' instinct kicked in today with Ted. The emotions I (most mothers, I assume) feel when my child is being unjustly viewed are amazing. Actual physical stuff going on, just because of what someone said. Wow. Here's the scoop. Ted began survival swim lessons at age 2 and from the 2nd week in the program was swimming like a fish. He LOVES the water and loves to swim. His personality, as any of you who know him know, is very high energy. He has trouble being ordered what to do. Creative teachers who make him think he's making choices are the ones he does well with. After 2 years in the IAS program, we moved him to strokes lessons with a private instructor, and he did great for about 5 months, before getting bored of the routine. Well, actually, I think it has more to do with the season too. We began strokes in June when we went to the pool almost every day. So he was able to PLAY PLAY PLAY all the time and only had to focus on swimming as a JOB once a week. But now with it being winter, and with 3 kids, we don't go to the pool to play-it's just too much work. Many of my friends take their kids on the weekends to play at one of the many inside pools. But truthfully, swimming isn't something Paul and I particularily enjoy. We tend to spent up to 4 hours at our neighborhood park, with the 2 mile bikeride there and back, one weekend day, and the other just hanging out and being with each other. Ted needs to swim because of his asthma-like symptoms. It is simply the BEST treatment for his lungs. Anyway, I digress. So September and part of October were spent with him disliking his lessons and starting to refuse to cooperate, so I put him back in the IAS program, in a play class, to remind him that he DOES indeed like swimming. He LOVES it. I kid you not, JOY is streaming out of every single pore of his little body. He is in his element. Last week, with the director gone and one of the 3 kids in the class absent, his instructor seemed to have an easy time with Ted and the other little girl, Ava. All was well. Ted was all over the pool and his teacher had to remind him to stay nearby (he'd take off across the pool if he felt like it.) Well, this week was much more chaotic. The director was there, stressing the instructor AND the parents out with her constant nagging and criticizing. The instructor, feeling pressured, was frustrated with Ted's enthusiasm, commenting that he was a 'danger to the class' because he wouldn't stay put. For some reason there were 6-8 other kids in the pool doing some sort of strokes class, while last week there were only 2 others and they stayed in one vertical 'invisible lap lane.' Much less distracting. At first, Ted's obvious skill was talked about positively, but it quickly turned to disapproval when he'd take off across the pool. "What is he like in school?!" the director said, in a very judgemental way. Why can't she see? Can't she see the joy in his little face? The confidence and love for the water that HER PROGRAM instilled in him, probably for a lifetime? It makes me want to cry. I HATE having my children misunderstood. Yes, yes, I will talk to him about staying with his class, listening to his teacher, enforcing time outs at the pool if he doesn't listen, yes yes, I agree with you! But can't you see WHY he's behaving this way? Because he's so incredibly happy to be swimming. Can't you see that?
Wow, this has turned into more of a vent than I thought. Another mom at the pool who has known us for years said gently, "just let it go." Good advice. Let go of the disapproval of a random person who doesn't know my son well enough to judge the way she does. Another informed me of a way to treat this woman, which yields excellent results...I will give it a go. "Ted is so happy swimming here, he just loves it, But if you think he belongs in a different program, just let me know." i.e. put the ball in her court to dismiss him or encourage him. I will try. I am amazed at my reaction, that it is so strong and consuming. Damn I love that kid. And when someone can't see the good in him, Mama Bear comes out. *in with the good air, out with the bad*