Creating a Beautiful Lifebook - Painting Orphanage Life

Hello again! How is it going? I hope you've had fun researching your child's country (province, city, etc.)

hallway in the HuaiHua SWI

This week we're going to dig more deeply into the orphanage (or foster home) that your child spent the first months of her life. Many of you have been fortunate enough to procure pictures, from a digital camera you sent, or from a friend who traveled before you. My daughter's orphanage also has a Yahoo! page, which is a wonderful resource. Pictures of the outside, inside, the purchases they bought with our donations ... all of those pictures can add such insight into your child's first months.

Often the referral and update pictures you received are taken in the orphanage - those you can choose to highlight in the orphanage section or a separate section. If you have pictures from a foster family, by all means, include those, though if you have more than a few they may warrant their own section.

Another thing to add to this section is pictures of the orphanage director and the nannies, if you have them. While you may or may not have a picture of your child with her personal nanny, even the nanny who brought her to you has a bittersweet importance.

Another possibility is to add information about your child's first name. In Mae's case, her last name is Huai, for the city she was found in, HuaiHua City. Her first name is Xiang, which I discovered is the name of the major river that divides Hunan Province. I discovered information about the river and even was fortunate enough to procure a coal drawing of the river from an artist while in China. It will be in a frame eventually and a copy is in the "Your Name" section.

Anything you have about the orphanage is wonderful. It is her roots, her own story.

If you've missed earlier posts, you can find them again, in the box on the right, under Archives.

How is it going? Remember, we aren't trying to create the perfect LifeBook. Don't worry yourself trying to make something perfect. Just do it!

Creating A Beautiful Lifebook: Gathering Information On The Country, Province and City

Hello everyone! I am so happy and excited to be back in the space with you! Thank you for your patience and understanding - August was a crazy month!

The first step to creating your child's lifebook is to gather information, which was your assignment before I abandoned you all!  If you haven't stated yet, no worries! Here is some help.

image credit

An essential component to a lifebook is information about your child's country. Dig a little deeper (in international adoption) into the province. If you can, even information about the town is a bonus. Besides information, pictures are wonderful! As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words.

For simplicity's sake, let's talk about this in relation to China.

It is easy to find a map of China. Find a nice one that shows the provinces in different colors. Print this and put a big star on your child's province, or on the city if you know it.

Here is a caution - make sure, if you are highlighting the city, that you choose the city she was found in, not necessarily the city you will travel to. In my case, Mae was born in Huaihua City, though we adopted her in the capital city of Changsha.

Once you have a map, try and find pictures of the province, or city. (Don't worry - we will get to pictures of the orphanage soon).) A wonderful resource is chinatoday.com. Go to the Cities and Provinces tab on the left and select your choice.

Another wonderful resource is a Yahoo! group, if your orphanage has one. My Yahoo! group had an astonishing five pages of pictures! Besides pictures of the orphanage (which will be useful in a few weeks), there were so many beautiful pictures of Hunan province.

All of this information will inform the rest of your lifebook. You'll discover so much. Off you go! And enjoy!  

What have you discovered? Do share in the comments!

How To Create A Beautiful Lifebook

I am so very excited about this topic. I plan to do an entire series on creating a Lifebook in September, so make sure to come by for step-by-step tutorials then! Today we'll go over some of the basics of what can go into a Lifebook, so you can get started gathering materials, researching some areas, and day-dreaming about the beautiful result of your labors!

A Lifebook is, simply put, a book about the time BEFORE your adopted child entered your life. It can include some of your experiences, of course, but then it is a book about YOUR experience and YOUR journey. A Lifebook is meant to speak to the "life" your child had before she met you.

This can be hard for many parents. I chose to make a Lifebook for my daughter as well as a book documenting our adoption. One is "our story"; the other "her story." She loves them both.

A Lifebook can evolve, changing as your child ages to include more detail. Or it can be a Keepsake-type of album, one that you create once and keep intact. Both are valid; both are valuable.

I created both for Mae. Her Keepsake album is beautiful and hard-cover. It also skims over some of the more gritty details. It is appropriate to show to friends or people she doesn't know well.

I also created an ever-evolving paperback version that speaks more to her individual situation. It asks questions. It explains policy. It is private.

In both, she is able to piece together her story before she met us. And for our children, sometimes this is so very important to them. It is to Mae.

My experience, obviously, is only with the International Adoption of a healthy infant. But I believe that any adopted child, no matter what the age or the circumstance, should have access to "her story." I may not have many baby pictures to share with Mae, but I have the entire history of her country to teach her.

Below is a list (in no particular order) of some of the things you can include in your child's Lifebook. Check back here in September and we'll talk about each of them in detail, including how to access this information, if you are having difficulty finding things. Have fun!

• maps/pics/info about your child's province/country
• pics from the orphanage/foster home
• pics of the nannies/foster parents/orphanage directors
• pics from the camera you sent (if you did)/referral photos
• copies of the Visa/passport pictures
• info about your child's first name
• adoption day pics/story
• 1-child policy information
• travel pics
• update reports from the orphanage/foster parents
• finding ad/pic

If you're excited and ready to start, begin gathering these materials and get ready for September! See you back on September 1st!

Have you made a Lifebook for your child? Do you plan to? What information do you think is important?

on vacation!

I'm in Chicago visiting my best friend (and her precious 7-month old baby girl!) and my parents. I'll be back in this space next Thursday with an exciting tutorial on creating a Lifebook for your adopted child!

Look for a guest post here Thursday from Angel La Liberte. Founder of FlowerPowerMom: the truth about Motherhood after 40, Angel shares a poignant adoption story in Why Adoption Isn't A Consolation Prize.

a very mature 5

Mae is five and a half. In February, we had a little 5.5 bday celebration for her at Kindergarten. It was my first experience with it for Mae and I was a little nervous. You tell a highlight story from each year and show a picture. My mommy guilt inspired me to make her a poster (I'll take a pic and put it up tomorrow) with about 10 pictures on it. We went through each year and its highlight. What was most interesting to me was how eager Mae was to share her "special book." She is fine with talking about the fact that she was adopted and sharing with her little friends that she has two mommies and two daddies. Noah, whose sister Elyana is from China, sang Happy Birthday to her in Mandarin (!) and everyone seemed more interested in the cookies than the details. In other words, everything I hoped for came true: Mae is comfortable talking about being adopted. And just as beautiful - her friends were very into when she walked and talked and stopped wearing diapers. Kids are amazing, aren't they? They found what was similar, while as adults we tend to notice what is different. Mae had a very happy day. And I relaxed a little inside. It's going to be OK. It's not going to be perfect, but it's OK. This is her reality, and we've been as open about it as possible, and now she is choosing to share it with her friends. Exhale. Repeat.