getting into Ted's head

Yesterday was Ted's evaluation and wow! was it interesting. I had taken him in at 2.5 (only worried about his speech, but they do a full screen every time) so I KNOW what it's like when your child is fine. Everyone chats with you casually and at the end you get some papers with extra info if you're REALLY concerned, but sorry, you're DENIED! Which was great! Well. No one was chatting with me this time, until later on. The very first thing was with the social worker, i.e. the emotional part, which was my concern anyway. She did many things with him but the 2 most interesting and telling were the 2 drawings. She asked him to draw a person and he did. He drew one long oval with arms and legs sticking out (no separate head). He drew a large dark circle for the mouth and lots of little dots for eyes. This was him. She noted to me that it was telling that the focus of his self-portrait was his BODY and his MOUTH, his 2 behaviors that are concerning. Hmmm. Then, without prompting, he drew a large circle and kept drawing over it a few times so it was big and dark. "This is a nightmare," he said. Then he drew a baby and then a small pillow (don't suffocate the baby! I thought in horror! but he didn't). Apparently he thinks Mae must have nightmares. After talking with me and getting some extra info, she believes that he takes his role as her big brother very seriously. He may be internalizing what he THINKS she is feeling and letting it affect him (hence his sudden severe separation anxiety from me...if her mom left her, mine might leave me, for example). She suggests some play therapy for him to 'get it out,' whatever it is he has stuffed down and not expressed. So that is our #1 issue right now-get some of this junk out! The other stuff, the physical stuff, is called Sensory Integration Disorder and is a fancy way to label a child who is not ADD but not normal either. So there are lots of different therapies to help 'ground' a child who feels, basically, like he's hyper all the time. One of those is called "Heavy Work" therapy, where they do things that are heavy (like carrying a heavy backpack, something Ted has been doing on his own for a few weeks now...nothing like self-medicating!). Other things that make him FEEL his body working, amidst the feeling of energy running through him all the time, can help. This 2nd thing I understand. I always thought, as a child, that I felt very 'alive' inside, very excited all the time. Perhaps this is just what Ted is feeling, only with a boy it comes out physically. Either way, I understand having that kind of energy and I know that it can be really helpful. So, we will start some play therapy for the emotional stuff and follow the guidelines for the Heavy Work to help him settle. We are also going to try the Wednesday Enrichment at preschool, which is, of all things...yoga! We'll see if he likes it. Whew.

Blisters & Stitches & Bestemor, oh my!

Today was a big day. It was Ted and Sam's first official day of preschool and they were pretty excited. They also have Music Enrichment class after school, so they have a long day, til 3pm! Today was also Mae's first day with Bestemor (Norwegian for Grandmother). Mae and Henry are already familiar with each other and we've had 2 visits in the past week where I stayed and she played happily there. Karin insisted I say good-bye, and Mae didn't even seem to mind. I returned an hour and a half later (we will work up to 3 hours eventually) and they were coming back from their walk. Mae saw Ole first and then me, and then came the screaming. Karin just laughed at her because she had been completely happy all morning. She gave me a wonderful hug and stopped crying the minute I held her. And the smiles! What beautiful happy smiles she gave us both. We went back to Karin's for lunch and then I brought her home for her nap. I got a lovely run and coffee in, just like old times! I hope this will work out well for everyone.

While driving home I learned that Sam had a head injury. He was vrooming a car and slammed his forehead into the wall and split it open a little. After some blood and ice, he seemed fine and wanted to go back to class. A pediatrician mom checked him out at 1pm and said he probably will need a few stitches, but that you have a 24-hour window to get them in. Susie asked him if he wanted to go to music and he said Yes! so I will get him at 3 and we have an appointment for 3:30 for stitches. Poor baby! And on the first day of school too!

*Update* No stitches required! Just a good clean-up and some steri-strips*. Whew!!

Oh, and Mae's hives are actually blisters, just like on her hand. Tara told me that antibiotics take up to 10 days to leave the system, so they should fade in the next few days. We are pretty certain it was a reaction to the Z-pak. Crazy!

What a day.

* Steri-Strips™ (which look like tape strips) are placed across the wound to hold the skin edges together.

Hives? Seriously?

Well, Paul and I are not in agreement on Mae's newest affliction. It LOOKS like hives, only 6 of them. 2 above each eyebrow and 1 on the top of each foot. ?! Paul thinks they are rub marks, on her feet from crawling and on her eyebrows from some damage she is doing to herself while she protests her naps. I don't know...they look like hives to me. They don't seem to bug her so if they are still there Monday morning I'll make my daily call to the phone nurse. Tonight was her last dose of the Z-pak. My other theory is milk. Her 'random afflictions' all began right after she began drinking milk, not formula. Yes the formula was milk-based, but it's still possible. I give all the kids only organic milk, so it can't be any weird hormones or something. Crazy. As I told my mom, no wonder there is "eastern medicine" - our Western stuff doesn't seem to be working for her at all! Next stop, hot stones or something!!

We spent a cold, rainy Saturday at the museum. We even saw the Planets show at the Planetarium. Ted loved it (Sam and Mae had to be taken out about 0.5 seconds into the show.)

Ted and I had a little date night tonight at Panera. It was cute. They have a nice Kids Meal with choice of sandwich (he chose grilled cheese), yogurt & drink (he chose apple juice). I had my first comforting soup and bread combo...I LOVE Fall and the cool weather and nothing is better than soup and bread! Yum yum. I think I'll have to make this a little tradition with Ted because it was fun. I got to make some mention of using a napkin and talking quietly in a restaurant and Ted got to tell me all about what he liked in his new Pre-K classroom. Fun stuff.

Meet 'n Greet at Preschool

This morning Paul met us at preschool for the Meet 'n Greet. It was cute. You see your child's classroom, meet the teachers, put the box of extra clothes in the cubbies, sign up for snack, that kind of thing. Ted is in HEAVEN in his new classroom. While chatting with one of his teachers, I found out that the primary emphasis they put on this class is art...or creative work. Both Caroline and Karen are very into art. Ted has produced about, oh, maybe 5 works of art his entire career at preschool, so I am thrilled that he will be encouraged to do more artistic work. Not sure how thrilled he'll be (he was one of 3 kids who didn't bother to decorate his name tag for his cubby.) He's in good hands.
Sam was also very happy. He investigated every corner of the familiar room and seemed very happy that Eliot, Gabi and Jason were there (although he had a run-in with Jason and as always, ended up crying. Maybe he'll toughen up with Jason around!) I love that their rooms are across the hall from each other and I'm excited for a new school year. I love this preschool and I love our community. We are so lucky. I can't believe Mae will start PALs in January! For one brief semester, all 3 kids will be at the JCC. I think that means all 3 will be in college at the same time for a year. Yikes.

geesh

Just had to share this amazing, enlightening experience. After Mae's ear re-re-check, we went to DQ for an ice cream cone. On the way to the entrance, a group of 3 Barbie moms and their multiple anorexic tween daughters noticed us heading for the door.

Skinny Blonde Mom 1: "There's going to be quite a line, girls."
Skinny Blonde Mom 2: "Better hurry."
Skinny Blonde Mom 3: "Hurry! Hurry!!!"

The girls scuttled to the door ahead of us. Fine, no biggie. I'm happy to wait and my kids are just happy being INSIDE the place, so no biggie. But...what the HECK!? What about "Go help that lady with the stroller?" or "Go hold the door for that woman." HELLO?!?!!? How disgusting.

Blisters *Update*

Man. It just shouldn't be this hard to get rid of an ear infection. We are on our 3rd antibiotic (Zpak) and after a rough night Mae woke with what looked like heat rash (a rash, but only on her neck and upper chest) as well as a mystery blister on her hand, which apparently was REALLY hurting her, because she'd hit the roof if you even touched it. She also had mild diaper rash and seemed generally fussy. She also was acting like her crib was going to bite her, so a morning nap was a tough sell. After not two but THREE phone conversations with her pediatrician and the phone nurse, we decided to bring her in because apparently blisters are a rare, but documented, reaction to an antibiotic. So back we go. Again. This will be our 5th doctor's visit since Saturday before last.

*Update*
The blister had popped by 3pm and was only an ugly red mark on her hand (of course!). The ped decided it was probably just a coincidence and not related. After all, it was only ONE blister and no more had appeared on the scene. Her left ear was still red but not BAD and it's obviously improving. She recommended finishing off the Zpak and if any more blisters or rashes appear, then to return. Hopefully it was a coincidence. How do babies get a random blister? Did she suck that part of her hand voraciously last night? Is it from her new acquisition of linoleum-crawling? Hmm. The boys were absolute gems today, all day long. They had so much patience and played quietly together so well. Let's hope this all clears up in the next few days.

ear update

I took Mae in for an ear re-check and sure enough, it was still going on. She's been switched to the Z-pak. Poor kiddo. I sure hope this works and she can cheer up some. I fixed her some noodles for dinner which she made short work of!

Class Lists

Class lists are out! Finally! Sam's class was a given...there is only one class for the Caterpillars and we knew what little friends would be there. Ted's was trickier, as there is a more academic teacher and a more play-based teacher. Since it is a play-based preschool, they tend to put the kids who are more into running around into one class and the ones who are ready to sit and work in the other. I hoped that Ted would be in the more play-based class, and he is! And, he is with his best little friends, Jack and Jacob. His little girlfriends, Rachel and Lucie, are in the other class, which made him very sad, but "at least we can still play on the playground" he said. I am happy...he will have another happy year.

Boulder Asian Festival

Sam insists on wearing a pigtail in his hair just like Mae. Funny thing is, he actually has enough hair for it...I can't get one in Ted's no matter how hard I try. Oh well. Ted has stolen Mae's purse and uses it to haul around his favorite tiny toys. I think they both enjoy having 'girl stuff' around the house!

This morning was Jack's bday party at Pump It Up. Sam was a ROCK STAR...he was a little energizer bunny and I didn't have to help him! He has really come into his own, physically, and I'm so proud of him! Ted didn't want cake and about dragged me away, just wanting the goody bag. Maybe Jack had told him of their cool factor, because these were good ones. Batman Pez, gotta love that for the 3-5yo crowd!

After we got home and napped, we decided to go for the last hour of the Boulder Asian Festival. CCAI (our agency) has a booth there so we felt that Asian adoptees were part of the target attendance. There were lots of different booths of Korean, Chinese, Japanese, Filipino and Indian foods, to name a few. We enjoyed Chinese vegetable steamed buns and Filipino pancit (Lily's mom always had pancit for me when I came over....mmmm...I had missed that! Mae loved it.) The balloon man was there so the boys were outfitted with masks and double swords. Sam got taken out by a skateboard...wham! to the back of the head. It was impressive. The poor young man was so sorry. We got the boys some ice cream and all was well.

What a nice weekend. It was like a mini-vacation rather than a 'let's hit all the stores to get ready for Monday' type of weekend. Ahhh... refreshing.

the place to be

Let's get one thing straight: hip I am not, nor do I try to be. I am lucky in that I have some hip friends (this continually amazes me) and today I reaped (rept?) the benefits! This morning we had a brunch/baby shower for our friend Stacey, whose 3rd child, baby girl Payton, is 5 weeks old today. The brunch was at The Kitchen, THE place to eat in Boulder. This is because The Kitchen uses local produce, cheeses, wine etc. etc. But, I didn't realize that it is truly one of THOSE places...a place to see and be seen. I haven't had the hip factor to ever figure these places out but sure enough, we walked in and who was there...my most trendy friend, Erin, her hip husband Joseph and their incredibly cute 18month old, Henry. The food was excellent (not amazing IMO) and the atmosphere like a country farmhouse yet fancy. I see why people love it, and knowing you are supporting local farmers is really great too. Now I know where to take visitors...although by the time someone visits there will probably be a new place that is THE place. This is why it's easier to ignore the trends...they come and go too quickly. Still, it was FUN and special to celebrate with another member of the 3Kids Club.

hmmm

My boys are getting ticky. That's right. They have what MIGHT be ticks. No, not the bug, the OCD-esque repetitive behaviors. We haven't evaluated them yet but we will. They are actually pretty funny and probably nothing serious, but worth checking into. Here they are:

Ted:

• clears throat
• squeezes his eyes shut (eye strain?)
  

Sam:

• clears throat (just like Ted)
  
• licks the palm of his hand (he says he has chocolate on his hand)
  
• bends over and touches his feet (he says they itch)
• does lip raspberries

I am too tired to truly worry about this yet and am currently just shaking my head at them. Ted will go in for a Child Find evaluation at the end of the month, with that being my concern. Whatever they decide for Ted will be the same for Sam, I'd assume. Interesting. I was an eye-squeezer myself and sometimes still do if I'm overtired. It feels like TENSING the muscle creates the sensation of relaxing it when it does relax. So I sort of understand it, and I don't think I'm particularily OCD in any way. We shall see.

In Mae news, she had a hard night last night so I made another appt for an ear re-check on Monday (I'll get her in tomorrow if she has another bad night). I just want to be sure the antibiotic is really getting it all. She slept a TON today. Slept 12 hours last night, then a 2.5 hr morning nap followed by a 2 hr afternoon nap. I really hope she is just recovering from last night and there isn't something else the matter. She was very happy today and really snuggly too, which felt WONDERFUL.

Tomorrow is our last Swim Playgroup for the summer. *sniff* We are getting ready for Back To School- our friend Blake gave Ted a ton of his outgrown clothes and Ted is psyched. I am also thrilled because Blake's mother has excellent taste and even the Power Ranger shirts are cool. ;-)

And last but not least, Mae enjoying her first chocolate chip cookie. That is her "OK, this will do" face. I gave her that cookie yesterday when NOTHING would cheer her up. She was happy as a clam until...she ate it all! Then it was back to screaming. Today was a good day though-hooray!

Breakfast

My friend Tara is a breakfast connoisseur. Omelets, pancakes, smoothies...her children eat awesome breakfasts, which if course, is the MOST important meal of the day, everyone says. Sam eats a breakfast bar and some milk. Ted eats 1 waffle and about half his glass of milk. They aren't into breakfast. Lunch, mind you, is an all-out food frenzy. Ted has been known to eat 3 full soy butter and jelly sandwiches. He LOVES crazy healthy, thick bread so a sandwich for him is a good meal. He also is guilty of stealing fruit from the kitchen and hiding somewhere to eat it (4 apples a day? 5 plums? no fair!) Sam isn't as great an eater but he does well with the soy meat products. I sent him with a soy brat today...he'll be psyched. Anyway, an issue of Family Fun (or some such magazine) arrived yesterday. I never expect much from these, always eager for my Vegetarian Times to arrive...but when was the last time I fixed a recipe? Hmm...) FF had FABULOUS breakfast ideas. Really good. I am going to try them all, one at a time of course, and report back. Here they are, since school is approaching and we are in PRE-K now! Woo hoo!

• Smoothie (frozen fruit, yogurt, milk & juice + wheat germ)
• Banana Dog w/milk (whole grain hot dog bun or tortilla spread with soy butter & wheat germ, whole banan with squiggle of jam like ketchup)
• Gorp w/ milk (nuts, dried fruit & cereal-we are going to try almond, dried cherries & Puffins)
• Double batch of French Toast/waffles etc from the weekend, just toast in am (we do this with French Toast and it works well)
• Pancake Letters (pour batter into a bottle and squeeze out the letters of their name...this might be really cute and I can make one healthy pancake!)

I'll let you know how it goes!

Piecing it together

I am always disappointed when I check one of my favorite blogs and there is no picture! So, here is another bday shot of Miss Mae with her favorite purse. She loves that thing (so do her brothers!) and I think the phone is her favorite, with the credit card coming in a close 2nd. Start 'em young, right?
I wanted to blog a little bit about this recent bout with anti-attachment. I was ready for some issues at the beginning but am quite surprised to see it developing here at home. I have some thoughts though. Today, during the 30+ min drive to get the boys at Farm Camp, Mae screamed. She screamed like she screamed last Thursday and the Wednesday before that, and the Monday before that. Do you know what that Monday was? Her vaccines. She had been starting to push away the week before as well. I remember being relieved that her photo shoot went so well because she was so grumpy. Perhaps the ear infection was starting right then. In other words, both an ear infection and a ton of vaccines can make a person feel bad. Maybe she is starting to feel comfortable here with us. Comfortable enough to throw a royal fit when she's not feeling well. I took her in for an ear re-check today, as well as to ask what, if anything, we could check for, since she had screamed for upwards of 2 hours today for no apparent reason. Of course, at the time she was happily playing on the floor with Ted with trucks (why do kids do that?!) Our ped was booked so we have been seeing another, who is so sweet and very thorough. She made sure to look at her charts and see exactly what vaccines she was given. She noted that Mae had a mild rash (probably heat rash-she really gets hot and sweaty when she has one of her fits) and to keep an eye on it since it could be an 'amoxycillin rash.' Hmm. Good to know! Anyway, the last 3 weeks have been really, really hard. And I really appreciate everyone who has stepped up to offer their thoughts and support. It means a lot. I'm sorry I've been preoccupied lately. I'm sorry to my parents that I've barely kept in contact at all (thanks for the call today, Dad!) and I'm sorry to my friends who I've put on the back burner while I unload this stuff onto the shoulders of my other friends who have adopted. I couldn't do this without all the support of all of you. And I'm here to say that we are getting through it. We will go back in 2-3 days if she is still screaming. Her ears are looking much better and she has slept like a log at night for the last 2 nights so we know the meds are working. She is walking by only holding on to one finger and can stand up by herself (she usually falls over when she claps for herself...good lesson there though...) She is eating everything in sight and gradually adjusting to the milk/formula combo. She is doing great...I don't mean to make it sound like she's regressing and miserable. Hopefully, she is secure enough with us to let us have it when we don't meet her needs. Thanks for being there for us all.

3:45 on a Saturday afternoon...

All. Three. Children. Are. Napping.

Ahhh...

Double ear infection

My poor children. I am never able to catch an ear infection before it becomes both "severe" and "double" (as in, both ears are infected). Both of those words when used together by a doctor cause me to wilt permanently at my faulty mothering instincts. Mae had a terrible night last night...I don't think any of us slept more than 15 minutes at a time. This morning Paul let me sleep in and when I came downstairs Mae was in her highchair (eating heartily, I might add...nothing's going to stop her appetite!), completely drenched in sweat (I mean completely, like she had just gotten out of the bathtub). Her eyes were glazed over and she was slouched down in the chair. She had been up since 5am (or rather, Paul had finally brought her downstairs at 5) and it was 8, so she was looking pretty tired. I gave her a bath to cool her down (no fever btw...both of us took it numerous times...how weird is that?) which perked her up and cooled her down a bit. Then she took a nap til 10 when I woke her to take her to her appointment. A dose of watermelon-flavored Amoxycillin and 3 eardrops in each ear and she is down for another nap. Poor baby. Hopefully she will be feeling up to snuff soon.

Birthday Pigtails

Erin's mocha volcano cake was a hit with Mae too! She enjoyed it and her new purse & little pony too. What a week we've had!

Good grief

This is the stuff about adoption that is mentioned in parenting classes but not really drilled home. Anyone expecting life to be perfect with an adopted child hasn't done any research...but even when prepared, things like this are a sharp reminder that this child has had a different start to life. I've blogged before about Mae waking up from her nap in a state of grief. The last 3 wakings have been murder. Eyes glazed over, screaming in fury, stiff-as-a-board...it's rough. Yesterday I decided to hold her and see if it would comfort her at all. It didn't. I think she eventually stopped screaming because she was exhausted, not thanks to me. It didn't feel right to put her down though...how can I let a baby sit sobbing on the floor? At least in my arms I knew I was TRYING to help her, although truthfully it probably just made her all the madder. I spoke with a counseler at CCAI today who confirmed that thought and suggested next time I make sure to be right next her her, touching her, but not necessarily HOLDING her. I wonder if the shots on Monday had anything to do with this? I knew we would have some issues...although I expected this sort of thing at the beginning and not 3 months into our relationship. Oh well...we will be there for her nonetheless. No matter what and forever.

Check Up

Stats:
30.5 inches tall (80%)
22 pounds (70%)

Yes, this is on the American growth charts. Mae weighs the same as Sam did as a baby. Amazing. Our ped was privy to all the little comforts of home today as all 3 kids played on the floor in the room, arguing, sharing, swapping toys and generally making mayhem. Mae also demonstrated her superior strength and lung power when she was being examined. It is so quiet right now as I type...ahhhh...

We had her TB test done, which is a prick that you follow up on in 2 days to see if there is a rash. If so, she tests + for TB, not unusual considering her immunization record states she was immunized against it. If so, she will need a chest Xray to rule out being a carrier. If she has a + Xray then we are in for it, with 9-12 months of antibiotics. I expect her skin test to be + and her chest Xray - but we shall see on Wednesday. She also got her other shots, which was soooo sad. Ted was actually shaking, he was so upset for her. I think we've always taken the other kid/s out when one was having shots, so I'm not sure he's ever seen anything but a puny flu shot needle. She was very mad but got over it quickly and was laughing out loud by the time we got to the front desk to make her 15m appt. Our ped is due with her 2nd boy in early November so we won't be seeing her again for a while, although both boys have appointments in the next months so I'll get to check in with her til then. She took 3 months off last time and returned part-time after that, so as long as I booked really early, we always got in.

We knew Mae was doing great, but it was nice to get the professional opinion too. We talked about her waking up at night all night long and her screaming her head off when she sees a bottle, and we all agreed these were learned behaviors in the orphanage and that they should fade with time. It's not even been 3 full months, after all. I forget and feel like she's been with us forever!

2nd Birthday

The Hobbits have 2nd Breakfast...the Moellers have 2nd Birthday! Tonight we went to Spice China with the Herz family for Mae's birthday. Their daughters, Rachel & Molly, always get on fabulously with Ted & Sam and did again tonight. After a yummy dinner (Hunan garlic noodles for Mae..mmm) the restaurant brought Mae a birthday treat of fried ice cream...yum! Mae was serenaded in English by everyone, and then in Mandarin by Rachel & Molly! Very cool. Then we went to let the kids run off their incredible energy and they did! Happy 2nd Birthday, Mae! And to the fans, thank you for your well-wishes! As soon as the cupcake pics are sent to me, I will put them here, I promise!

Happy 1st Birthday

It is very strange to celebrate Mae's birthday when she's only been home with us for 3 months. Still, she is unquestionably a year old...doing all the things 1yr olds do. We had our chavurah tonight and she had her birthday cupcake-a big hit! Pics soon...ours died so our friends took some pics for us. Happy Birthday, Mae!

TGIF

Holy moly! Since 7pm we have:

• cleaned up a large cat vomit all over the bathroom (toilet/tile floor etc)
• helped Son #1 vomit into said toilet (glad I cleaned it first!)
• got Mae out of the tub when she pooped
• cleaned the tub
  
• discovered a pool of cat pee on Sam's bed (they have been mad at us since our return)
• stripped the bed, cleaned the mattress pad/pillow & started a load of laundry, changed the sheets, found a throw pillow downstairs and convinced him to sleep in Ted's bed tonight.
• cleaned more cat vomit from our bedroom floor
• helped Ted throw up a few more times before going to bed

This is one of those evenings that just makes us both laugh. What the HECK is up with our animals, why do we even have animals anymore...like we need the extra vomit & pee in our house anyway...and how funny/enraging/nuts is it that all of this happened in the last hour? At least they don't yowl all night long anymore...just starting at 5am. *sigh*

This pic is one I found while I was searching for a pic of the cats together (umm..not many of those lately). This was taken at the playroom at the Dolton Hotel, Changsa. I remember just watching her in amazement.

Birthday Portraits!

Today the boys had farm camp so Mae and I headed to the mall for her 1yr photos. I am such a sucker for things like this....I have a portrait of each boy (6m, 9m, 1 etc) and have started hanging them on the wall as you go up the stairway. I love 'commemerating' each year. And because they are 18 (read, 6 months) apart, we have a photo of them together every 6 months. The changes in just 6 months are amazing. Next month we will return for Sam's 3 yr pic, as well as their first official portrait together!! Today was fun and the photographer was amazing...so sweet and gentle with her. Sometimes they are a little too loud. I want to ask for 'Dan' when we return...he was loud but so funny with the boys he was working with, having them in pirate hats and squealing at them...he's a winner. Anyway, here are the 2 official portraits that I always do: the close up and the official portrait, as well as Mae's full Chinese outfit. I can't believe she will be ONE on Saturday!!

remembering Mae Day

I am feeling nostalgic today. Mae was extra-cuddly tonight, looking up into my face and then putting her head back down on my chest...repeat...it was so sweet. I have always loved putting my babies to bed...til they started resisting it at about age 3...anyway! It was lovely bonding time so I felt the need to revisit the BabyJellyBeans site and re-live our journey. I am going to try to link this picture to the snippet of video of Mae being handed to me. It's not very long, so it shouldn't take too long to upload. So, click on the pic and hopefully it will work!

*Update* Here it is on YouTube: